Making money isn’t as easy or as hard as people make it seem—it’s the outcome of certain combined efforts. Think of a time when our forefathers practiced barter trade.
Wealth wasn’t about having the most items; it was about having the most desirable ones. Imagine you have an ounce of gold—you could exchange it for several bags of maize. But if you had a bag of maize instead, the most you could get might be a bag of beans. This illustrates a fundamental truth: the greater the value of what you offer, the more you can receive in return.
Many people approach networking like individuals holding bags of maize, hoping to trade up for an ounce of gold. But real networking is about offering something of equal if not more value. The goal is to refine your skills, knowledge, and contributions until you become the ounce of gold that others want to connect with.
Networking is not about collecting contacts or attending events to boost your social capital. It’s about the exchange of value. Success isn’t determined by how many people you know but by the strength of your relationships. It’s about quality over quantity. I’d rather have ten valuable people in my network than a hundred acquaintances. It’s about going deep with those who matter, not spreading yourself thin.
At the foundational levels, people focus on survival [ basic needs] and security. But as they progress in life, their priorities shift to social belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. Networking operates at these higher levels. When you focus on adding value—sharing insights, offering support, or creating opportunities—you build relationships based on trust and respect. You become someone people want to know, not just someone they happen to meet.
I had a conversation with Patrick Karanjah, a seasoned PR professional with over 20 years of experience. When I asked him what he would do differently if he could start over, his answer wasn’t about honing his technical skills—those are the bare minimum. “Skills get you in the room, but relationships open doors you didn’t even know existed.”
But here’s the catch: Networking works best when it’s not forced. You can almost tell when someone at a networking event has ulterior motives. They ask surface-level questions, hoping to gain something rather than genuinely connecting. Many people approach networking as an opportunity to showcase how smart they . But relationships built on this foundation rarely last. People can sense when they’re being used.
The greatest key to punching above your weight in networking is your willingness to endure rejection. Success comes to those who are resilient enough to keep reaching out, even when the odds seem stacked against them. And when you provide so much value that people feel they’re getting the better end of the deal, you create relationships that last. You want the remark to be, “This is too much!” That’s when you know you’ve made an impact.
Networking is not about you—it’s about them. Focus on what you can offer rather than what you can get. Provide sufficient value to your existing network before seeking new connections. It’s better to nurture a few meaningful relationships than to have thousands of shallow ones. When you do this, networking stops being something you do—it becomes a natural part of who you are.
Next time you think about expanding your network, remember this: You don’t need more business cards. You need to become someone whose value is so undeniable that others seek you out.
I see your goal is to build 10 key networks every year for the next 10 years. That’s 100 valuable relationships that could open doors, create opportunities, and enrich both my personal and professional life. I’m not interested in collecting names or stacking up LinkedIn connections. That’s the kind of network that changes lives—and that’s what I’m working toward.
That is a good goal and a terrible one at the same time—I might get stuck counting them rather than building them. I don’t think continuing with that approach is the best route. A better goal is to be so valuable to 10 high-quality people this year that they seek me out. By focusing on what I can contribute, rather than what I can gain, I can build relationships that are more meaningful and impactful.
The moment you start counting, you stop connecting. You become obsessed with hitting that magic number, and you lose sight of what truly matters: building genuine relationships.
I found myself measuring success by the number of replies, not the quality of the conversations. I was so fixated on the “10 networks” that I wasn’t focusing on the individuals behind those connections. And let me tell you, that’s a recipe for shallow, ultimately useless, interactions.
After countless wasted hours and frustrating interactions, I realized something crucial: this approach wasn’t working. I needed a fundamental shift in perspective. This wasn’t just a change in strategy; it was a complete paradigm shift. I stopped asking, “What can I get from this connection?” and started asking, “What can I contribute?”
The difference between chasing connections and being sought after is night and day. When you focus on providing value, you build a reputation as a trusted resource and a valuable collaborator. People will naturally gravitate towards you, seeking your expertise and insights.
Stop counting connections and start cultivating them. Stop asking, “What can you do for me?” and start asking, “How can I help you?